TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
A family braces for a culinary disaster today after learning that Auntie Jackie has been put in charge of cooking the Christmas turkey. The matriarch of the Barron family, Judith, has taken a particular distaste to the news, drawing comparisons between Aunty Jackie and a sense-deprived mute.
“I don’t know what Val was thinking, putting Jackie in charge of the Turkey”
“The last thing she cooked was a boiled egg and she cooked it so long that the yolk turned white”
“And then she ate it! She just has no clue”
“It’s like she’s got sandpaper where her taste buds should be and a rock for a brain”
“Why couldn’t they have given her a less significant chore to take care of?”
“If she screws up the turkey, which she will, then we’ll just be eating green beans”
The Advocate reached out to Ellen Barron, Judith’s daughter, to see if her mother was slightly overreacting to the news of Auntie Jackie being assigned such a pivotal roll in their Christmas lunch.
“Mmm, well mum tends to overreact at everything, but I reckon this time it’s kind of warranted”
“One time when we were staying at Auntie Jackie’s and she legit served us raw chicken claiming it’s like a steak and best enjoyed at medium-rare”
“Oh and not to mention the fact that she buys sausages and then eats the raw mince out of them as a snack. That’s just so fucked”
“So, yeah, I’m a bit worried about leaving her in charge of a 6kg bird.”
More to come.
