LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As COVID-19 social distancing measures continue to be rolled back in order to tickle the economy before it turns over and dies, Australians have been left to ponder which politician is so obsessed with boot camps.
During multiple press conferences, Prime Minister Scotty from Marketing has called out the safety of boot camps specifically in almost every instance, meaning they are getting more coverage than something like the Sports Rorts Affair.
Bootcamps were first conceived as a rapid-fire method to prepare soldiers for war but have since evolved into a fitness regime that combines all the fun of exercise with the spontaneity of being verbally abused.
Growing in popularity in the early 2010s, it makes sense that the coalition government is only just now aware of their existence and believes they are important enough to be mentioned every time an update is shared relating to funerals, weddings and home visits.
“I have people who attend five camps a week who talk about it less than these people,” stated bootcamp runner Viola Krump (44).
“One of them making the rules must have just discovered boot camps before lockdown and is in the back of every meeting going making sure we’re represented, for sure.”
What Krump remains unsure about is which one of the lawmakers could possibly be obsessed with boot camp.
“Scotty? Nup. I take no excuses so he’d be fucked. Frydenberg? Yeah, good one.”
“Dutton, I could see him wanting to pretend to be a soldier but I think what we do might be a bit lightweight for him, no one actually gets shot.”
