ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The National Party is in lockdown this morning after an internal report was leaked to the media suggesting that none of regional Australia’s representatives in Canberra can drive a manual transmission.
It comes at a largely inconvenient time for the Nats, who now face the prospect of an election wipe-out due to these damning revelations.
Speaking today in Canberra, a Nationals spokesman said that the leak has triggered an internal investigation.
They also sadly confirmed that the contents of the report were, in fact, true.
“At this time, I can confirm that no elected Nationals member can drive a manual,” they said.
“As we’re made up of big-town Ford Territory-owning white collar professionals, none of us really had to learn how to drive one,”
“Even the elder Nationals who learned how to drive before automatics were introduced have since forgotten. The Ford Territory is just that good to drive. We are currently investigating where the leak came from and there will be more information available as it comes. Thank you.”
Speculation is swirling as to who is responsible for the leak, with many on social media suggesting that this may have been retribution for The Nationals growing a spine and going against the Liberal grain on some key policies.
The Advocate reached out to the Liberal Party for comment but only received a large envelope with a suspicious white powder in it that made our receptionist’s lungs itchy.
More to come.
