CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local semi-retired down-sizers Maple Dawson (67) and Barry Dawson (72) say that they know coronavirus has been challenging for everyone, but very few people would have felt it as hard as them.
For one, the COVID-19 lock down means their family have even more excuses to not let them pollute their grandchildrens minds with 2GB and Sky News over school holidays.
It also means they can’t make use of their indulgent decision to retire in the centre of an inner-city entertainment precinct full of young people.
“I couldn’t even find a place selling coffee for a few days there” said Maple.
“Yoga, Pilates, Aesop… All my favourite businesses were closed. As Alan Jone said before he retired for health reasons, the response to COVID-19 was a result of alarmism.”
Barry says that had he known that by choosing to spend his twilight years living in a heavily renovated inner-city terrace house would mean he’s more exposed to other people, some who might have this virus that is really popular in the cities – he probably would have fucked off to Port Macquarie like every rich boomer was supposed to.
But that isn’t what happened, and now he’s got to deal with oppression he’s facing as an inner-city resident surrounded by these delusional inner-city types he reads about in The Australian.
“We have nothing to do” he says.
“We refuse to get Netflix because we were told that it could ruin Rupert Murdoch’s business model with Foxtel and the print newspapers. So basically we just sit here twiddling our thumbs and sharing fake news on Facebook”
However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Maple believes the government will be re-opening pubs and restaurants this weekend. Which means things will go back to normal. Or as close to normal as they’ve been in some while.
“I can’t wait” she says.
“I’m already warming up my triple zero finger”
“The moment we hear any laughter or some fun music, it will be a race between us to call the police haha”
“beep. beep. beep…. Hello…” she mocks.
“Yeah, better bring the sniffer dogs”
