ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The nation’s weeping wound is subject of a new reality television show where people who moved their and fucked the place argue over which of group of them did the fucking in the first place.
It’s allegedly called Byron Baes but that’s not important, said one of the show’s producers, who explained to our reporter that the show is more about the people of Byron Bay and what makes it such a great place.
“So we have the fucking Sydney people, who some say did the real fucking,” said the producer.
“Then we have the people who think they’re locals just because they’ve lived there for 40 years. Nope, you are part of the problem, too,”
“The folks from the Byron-adjacent towns like Bangahole and Mullumcotdeath also get a feature. So do the assorted roughnecks of Alstonville. They’re the real champions of this series, the Alstonville people. We plan to fill them up with brown spirits and turn them loose in Byron. Who knows, you might even see someone in double linen get bashed and then the cops tell them they don’t really give a fuck that they got bashed,”
“People who are actually from Byron, like they were fucking born there, also feature heavily in the show. They get to flog prospective homebuyers in the area with a length of dog chain as retribution and reparations for destroying their way of life. Imagine seeing Ed Sheeran get lashed by some tropical goth who’s afraid of the ocean?”
“That’s television.”
The Advocate reached out to the Byron Bay Council for comment but they don’t work Mondays when Pisces is in Moon.
More to come.
