LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The NSW Government has Ibis-egg on their face again after ordering Indonesian-made COVID testing swabs that are too big for human nostrils.
The faulty COVID-19 swabs resemble paddle-pop sticks with an emu egg on top as if designed to make an already uncomfortable COVID test a Tower of London style torture fest.
This mistake comes off the back of NSW Transport Minister Andrew Constance ordering South Korean trains that do not fit their respective tracks and ferries that are too tall to pass beneath local bridges.
Unlike these previous blunders however Premier Gladys Berejiklian has owned the mistake and has already provided a valuable solution.
“Nose widening surgeries will be available to anyone needing a COVID test,” stated Premier Berejiklian.
“It was not ideal for us to order 12 million COVID-19 testing swabs that are primarily for bovine use but we know the good people of NSW are as worthy of medical treatment as any cow.”
The nose-widening initiative has not been well received as for an individual to be able to have the surgery they will have to foot the bill, get six weeks off work and actually care about spreading CoronaVirus.
Given these criteria the amount of NSW residents who would be able to enter into the nose-widening initiative is around six people.
“We think people will understand why we keep fucking these things up. Now please excuse me, I have a meeting to attend next week so I need to get on the lightrail as soon as possible.”
