WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
After a 14-month long inquiry, the nation has been informed that people doing criminal things should, in fact, face the courts.
The news comes after Commissioner Kenneth Hayne handed down his final report to the government following a landmark Royal Commission into the Banking and Financial Sector.
With 76 recommendations in total, Commissioner Hayne has called for those responsible for criminal activity to actually be punished, rather than have their companies pay some nominal pecuniary fee – as is the norm the case in Western countries.
Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has promised to adopt all 76 of the recommendations in the report, in the hope that everyone will forget about the whole debacle in a few months and it blows over.
“I mean, if not, then I’ll consult with the execs and they can offer up some mid-level mortgage broker as a sacrificial lamb,” said Frydenberg this morning.
While the report has recommended criminal sanctions for those involved in the fees for no service scandal, many old heads in the banking sector aren’t panicking just yet.
“[Laughs] People don’t go to jail for this sort of shit,” said one Big Four executive who also requested anonymity.
“You don’t go to jail for systemically rorting the public through widespread illegal and immoral practice.”
“You only go to jail for high profile individual scams when you’re in the public eye or when you have a mental illness. We as a country don’t have means to deal with you so we just lock you up in our de facto mental health hospitals.”
