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After being impressed by how many unwitting people he managed to trap on the Bahamian island of Great Exuma during his failed 2017 Fyre Festival, Peter Dutton has today announced that American entrepreneur Billy McFarland will be running all operations in the soon-to-be reopened Christmas Island Detention Centre.
This comes after the Prime Minister suffered a historic defeat on the floor of the House on Tuesday, and subsequently doubled down on the politics of border protection in an effort to convince the public that unlike Labor, they are at actually efficient at governance, and worth voting for.
The Nightwatchman says the government will reopen the Christmas Island detention centre and reinforce border defences as the Senate on followed the House and passed the medical evacuations bill, last Wednesday.
However, aside from the politicisation of sensitive information passed on by intelligence agencies, the Government has no real way to convince the voters that opening a third sweltering island prison is a good idea.
That was until Peter Dutton watched that new Fyre Festival documentary the other night – and immediately recruited the services of Billy McFarland.
“Billy McFarland is the best in the business at making understaffed and poorly managed Island hideaways look cool enough to convince morons on spending millions of dollars on it” said Dutton in a press conference this morning.
“In this case, the morons are the Australian tax-payers”
It is not yet known if Billy McFarland will be receiving a $448m government contract to fuck up this knee-jerk government project, like Paladin did with Manus, however he will be given free reign to sell exclusive tickets to the Island dispossessed in the oceanfront villages of Java.
Peter Dutton has indicated he will be working closely alongside McFarland in case he needs someone to take one for the team and use some mouth wash, before visiting Scott Morrison’s office.
