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In an unsurprising announcement this morning, Home Affairs Minister and amateur dental surgeon Peter Dutton has today revealed that he is one of the few people on Earth that cares about Arnotts’ decision to possibly discontinue production of the orange slice.
This comes after the $3 billion sale of Arnott’s to “investment powerhouse” KKR this week.
The settlement has caused great concern for AA halls and nursing homes around the country. Namely because of KKR’s history of buying companies, improving its bottom line, and selling it quickly for profit.
That has lead to some concern they will be discontinuing some of Arnott’s more unpopular products, like the Orange Slice.
However, this news doesn’t seem to upset anyone except the few creeps in the world who enjoy this inferior style of biscuit.
“Oh it’s definitely my favourite” said the Member For Dickson while speaking to reporters on the phone today,
Dutton, whose phone was pinging with email death threats from furious Biloela townspeople, went on to explain how he developed a deep romance with the ugly cousin of assorted creams during his tenure as a shonky Queensland copper.
“The orange slices were always there for me” he said.
“They were always the last ones in the rec room when I’d come back from the station”
“Every day when I’d come in from handing out speeding fines and giving Murri kids lifts out to Pinkenba”
“They were always there”
“Right up until I resigned quietly two weeks before I became eligible for a pension”
“I for one will miss the Orange Slice. They were a symbol of how great Australia used to be before we became tempted by the rich flavours of baklava and Turkish delights.”
“Personally, I blame immigrants for this tragedy”
