CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Both the Queensland Government and Brisbane City Council are preparing for the 3rd La Ninã weather system, which is expected to cause widespread flooding of rivers and storm drains right across the country.
City councillors and the Premier say they have done their very best to address 12 recommendations from an independent flood inquiry, which was commissioned after the city was criticised for their lacklustre sandbagging facilities and evacuation centres during the last three floods to hit the Brown Snake in the last two years.
First up, new signs will be installed to alert motorists and the council of flooded streets. Which is always important, because the thing about floods is, ya can’t drive through em.
On top of this, the Palaszczuk government has begun the development of an ‘Amsterdam-style approach’ to keeping the water in the river and out of the homes and businesses of Brisbane city.
Through the use of modern agricultural practices, the vulnerable riverfront suburbs of South Bank and South Brisbane will now be protected by a forcefield of Australian cotton farms.
Known for their wasteful water-chewing operations, Australian cotton farmers have been given a lifeline from Premier Palaszczuk to redeem themselves – and transition from their villain status to Queensland heroes.
One fourth generation cotton farmer and noted Sydney uni drop-out Clyde Fontaine-Smithbone (22) says it’d be a shame to let all of this water go to waste.
“We can keep prevent another flood without even breaching our water quotas” he said.
“Fuck we don’t even need to riverfront location, just give me a length of poly and a Davey and we can run this shit out behind the Gabba”
“This town will be as dry as the Dirranbandi motorcross track by sun down”
At time of press, Clyde and his second cousins Hugo and Paisley were seen drinking Fireball whiskey and doing cocaine off their iPhones on the front of an SES truck, while a number seasonal agriculture workers from Tonga rigged up the pump for them.
