CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After a big week of dancing on Steve Irwin’s grave and legitimately asking the world’s pet-owners to only refer to their pets as companions, PETA have finally arrived in the Gulf country to help out on the ground.
Not wanting to waste any time with their social media activity, a couple of staff members immediately set about constructing a suitable slackline on a couple of the remaining fenceposts in the flood-ravaged North West.
“We’ve found that creating a slackline for our staff to use helps get the creative juices flowing,” said one dreadlocked white man from Brunswick.
“I actually came up with the suggestion to change ‘kill two birds with one stone’ to ‘feed two birds with one scone’ when I was lining down in Fitzroy Gardens last year”
“So anyway, that’s why we have set up shop here,” said the man whilst balancing above the muddied ground.
However, unfortunately for one local landholder the slackline then pulled over two of his remaining fence posts that weren’t washed away earlier this month when the region copped three years worth of rain in ten days.
As the 500,000 head of cattle continue to decompose on the flood-scoured mud, PETA staff were seen walking between properties with clipboards asking if they could see the state of the remaining stock.
“I hope you aren’t mistreating any of them” says one PETA director, Banjo Clementè, from Brisbane’s West End.
“I’d love to help with the mass graves but, unfortunately I suffered some pretty serious RSI at my last job running different Twitter accounts for the Greens, that was until I got accused of inappropriate conduct over a few Stone and Woods at a staff Christmas Party and they put me out to pasture at PETA… Pardon the pun!”
“Anyway, I feel bad for these cows but at least the ozone layer is going to get a break from all these emissions. Have you guys seen Cowspiracy?”
Local Julia Creek grazier, Moe Carrington (67) says he initially thought the dishevelled Southern vagrants were just another bunch of hippies on their way up to a bush doof in Kakadu, until he saw their sixteen drones and multimillion dollar film gear.
“PETA haven’t trespassed on my property since the live export ban” said the busted old bushie.
“Usually I’d scare them off with a warning shots but I’m saving bullets for all the distressed cattle”
“I’m happy for them to keep slacklining if it keeps them away from the youngsters. The grandkids have already has a pretty serious bout of nits this year”
