LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A multi-participant study has concluded the classic ABC children’s series Round the Twist does not hold up by today’s standards, especially on a Sunday morning after a few biccies the night before.
Struggling to enjoy life after a class-A fuelled evening of debauchery, receptionist Nina Stewart (24) took to Netflix with the Panglossian view that a hit of Australian nostalgia might boost her heavily depleted sense of self-worth.
“Shit yeah, it’s all on Netflix! This is gonna be good!”
While enjoying the fuzzy feeling of nostalgia that usually accompanies seeing the lighthouse dwelling Twist family try to catch musical ghosts in the act, she found herself feeling uneasy due to twisted plot points she didn’t recall and the overwhelming sense of meaningless associated with a comedown.
“Jesus Christ, Linda just makes out with Pete in one episode!? What the fuck is that about? They don’t even address it!”
Moving on to season 2 and a plate of baked beans on toast, Stewart hoped that seeing the same father with a different cast of children would set her more at ease as she dealt with the idea of going to work tomorrow and every day until she is too old to function.
“I remember the graphics being a lot better. And Linda being a lot less annoying.”
In an act of desperation, Stewart moved into seasons 3 and 4 hoping that what the show lacked in Paul Jennings’s involvement it could make up for in production value and acting quality.
“Wait, what happened here? Didn’t Pete Twist used to be cool?”
As her mind raced with images of her own mortality and Mark Mitchell falling comically into a pile of shit, Stewart wondered how she had ever enjoyed the show so much in the first place and how people ever thought it was OK for public consumption.
“Maybe it was because whenever I was watching I was already happy because it was school holidays or when the teacher was hungover.”
“But far out, even with the manic acting and horrible special effects, the amount of flatulence, defecation, urination, vomiting, body odor, underwear, birth, death, nudity, incest, genitalia, bestiality, coprophagia and infantilism makes me wonder how it made onto children’s afternoon programming to begin with.”
Turning Round The Twist off, Stewart resolved to ride out her comedown without the Twist family antics and states she has never, ever felt like this.
