ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In the unthinkable event that China decides to stop trading with Australia altogether, our Prime Minister is hard at work today safeguarding industry from a potential China freezeout.
First cab off the rank, iron ore.
In high-level talks this afternoon, Scott Morrison phoned New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern to give the Kiwis first dibs at the $80bn worth of iron ore Australia sells to the Red Giant each year.
Prime Minister Ardern is said to be mulling the offer over.
“Oh, geez, Scott,” she said.
“That’s a lot of iron ore. I’m not sure we need that much. I mean, we usually just buy the product of iron ore, you know. Like iron and steel. Like, the beams come off the boat pretty much ready to go and we just put them on trucks and take them to the construction site and put them together,”
“But thank you for your nice offer, I’ll consider it carefully. The relationship between our two countries is like no other around the world. Thank you for thinking of us in these trying times.”
ScoMo, sensing the Kiwis weren’t really interested in buying that much iron ore, shifted the focus to wool.
“Do you guys need any wool? We have heaps this year, shit loads of rain. Lots of wethers on the group.”
Jacinda responded.
“Ah, I think we’re good for wool actually, Scott,”
“Ok, bye now. Talk to you later. Bye bye.”
That didn’t perturb Scott. He kept scrolling through his phone for the next country.
“Wallis and Futuna? Where the fuck is that? I’ll give them a ring.”
More to come.
