WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In some sensational news from the nation’s capital, the Australian government has just made a big name signing.
Speaking at a press conference today, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has announced that we have signed Martin Shkreli to make us some bank.
Shkreli, the man who colloquially goes by ‘Pharma Bro’ and who was once known as ‘the most hated man in America,’ famously obtained the licence for an antiparasitic drug called Daraprim and raised its price from $US13.50 to $US750 a pill.
Currently serving time as a convicted fraud from a separate scandal, Shkreli is reportedly set to help the government monetise the Coronavirus vaccine as best as possible.
This follows Deputy Chief Medical Officer Paul Kelly warning about a ‘Vaccine Nationalism’ as the new Cold War race to find the vaccine heats up.
“In the cut-throat business of medicine and big pharmaceuticals, it’s important to do whatever you can to leverage as much wealth as you possibly can from the position of being able to provide a better quality of life or a cure to people who need it,” explained Morrison today.
“And Martin is the best in the business at that. Even if we can’t find the cure ourselves, then we hope he will be able to go about obtaining the licence to print money for us.”
“And if he can’t do that, then we will resort to taking the moral high ground and guilt-tripping whoever has it to give us some of that good shit,” continued the Prime Minister in a vein similar to other national leaders, who are holding their cards close to their chest on whether the vaccine should be given out to everyone or treated as a commodity, until the find out who is going to win the race.
“Because this budget blackhole ain’t going to pay itself.”
More to come.
