ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Prime Minister today has acknowledged that almost four in five Australians want a federal-level corruption watchdog by telling journalists in Canberra today that he got up on The Cup.
Scott Morrison then explained he had a $25 bet each way and was “taken aback” when the EBT wanted $50.
“I don’t normally punt but I’m a bloke and blokes punt on Cup Day,” he laughed.
“Yeah didn’t really know what I was doing, I just had a random punt on Twilight Payment and said I wanted $25 each way, whatever that means! [laughs] Oh man, shit it was funny. I told my Bloke Advisor what I wanted and he came back all red-faced and said he actually did a $50 bet! What a bloody idiot! A real drongo!”
When pressed on the issue of a federal corruption watchdog, Scotty said he’d get to it after his cracking yarn.
“So anywhere, here I am, sitting up here watching the race. I’m rubbing the front of my pants because there’s a big piss dribble on it and I’m trying to warm it up so it evaporates. So, fucking. Oi, but, yeah so I’m watching this races and the bloke starts yelling my horses name and I’m all like go you fucken bastard go! And we’re all jumping up and down and my Chief-of-Staff gets the First 4 and immediately has a seizure on the carpet in front of us and we’re all thinking he’s faking it so we’re putting the boot into him thinking it’d be fucking classic and so my junior media advisor like has had a fucken gutfull of fucking Reshes and he boots him too hard upside the chin and my fucking Chief of Staff now is flat out knocked out like he’s a referee and Tony Carrol’s just kneed him in the temple. So the seizing stops but we’ve noticed that I’ve got up and there’s been a bit of fanfare and then yeah,”
“Here am I! A bloody winner!”
Again, Mr Morrison was pressed on the recent survey that four in five Australians want federal ICAC, he sighed.
“God, can’t you bastards just let the boys play? It’s Melbourne Cup Day, you fucking fagg… I mean you bloody ball breakers!” said Morrison.
His Chief-of-Staff, still bleeding from the ears and covered in his own vomit, came up onto the stage to call an end to the press conference.
More to come.
