LOUIS BURKE| Culture | Contact
Recent statistics from The World Health Organisation show that Australia is faring well during the current COVID-19 pandemic, although this could still spell trouble for Prime Minister Scott ‘Scotty From Marketing’ Morrison.
With all states (bar problem child Victoria) loosening restrictions that were put in place to stop the spread of the deadly virus, pubs have reopened meaning ‘The Pub Test’ is back on, causing bullet-sized beads of sweat to roll down Scotty’s reddening brow.
‘The Pub Test’ is an oft-used term in Australian media, created by journalists to promote the idea that Aussie pubs are hives for political discussion akin to Czech coffee shops in the 1940s and not the poker machine play areas that also serve beers we know and tolerate.
Now that pubs are reopening to a limited number of punters, Scotty and his hand-selected team of other self described ‘marketing gurus’ are bracing for the PM’s approval rating to take a dive now that people can chat about him after a couple of beers again.
“To put it professionally, Scotty has never done well at the pub test,” stated Marketing Manager and Co-Director of Handshake Ops, Belinda Wei.
“It’s a problem we see with a lot of Liberal leaders, mostly because they look as at home in a pub as a machete does in a box of crayons.”
The widely fabled yet rarely seen Pub Test has led many a Prime Minister to visit a fair dinkum pub in order to prove they are an average Australian by doing something that terrifies and humiliates them for the enjoyment of others.
“We’re working on his pub manner, we actually think he’ll look like he’s enjoying himself. Of course, he won’t be. He’ll be praying to wake up in a Murdoch owned steakhouse with a security detail closing the street outside. But he’ll do it and he’ll do so with a full strength beer in his hand and a feigned interest in the televised footy on his face.”
MORE TO COME.
