CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A local whingeing and sunburnt pom is today still having a cry over the fact that his national side sucks so much at soccer that it would completely bottle it in the Euros final twice in a row.
This comes nearly two full days after England lost 2-1 to Spain in the final of the European Championship in Germany, in very similar circumstances to how the English side lost to Spain in the Womens World Cup final.
Betoota-based recruitment officer, Oliver Merchant (32) is still sooking over his country’s ability to snatch a loss from the jaws of victory on Sunday morning.
His lingering hangover, paired with his deflated patriotism, has resulted in somewhat of a cranky mood. It’s something that his colleagues don’t care about it. In fact, they find it humorous, just like they found it humorous when he was regurgitating the English cricket side’s ‘Moral Victors’ bullshit after they lost the Ashes because ‘Bazball’ was the dumbest shit that any international cricket side has ever pulled out of their pale and flat arses.
“Bahahahaha. Still having a cry are we?” jeers Oliver’s colleague, Benji, a man who does not give a fuck about soccer until moments like this when England choke on a Sunday night final against European rivals after spending a fortnight drunkenly chanting that ‘it’s coming home’ and then have to rock up to work hungover the next day and lick their wounds.
“Just shut up would you” says Oliver, with a bitter tone that unwittingly invites every other person in his workplace to have a crack.
“Oooooohhh!!! Reow!!!” says another colleague, Penny, clawing at the air with her hand like a cat.
“Somewun’s cwanky!”
Oliver begins huffing and puffing, as it becomes clear that both he and his homeland are an international joke.
“Fuck settle down mate” says another colleague, Raj.
“Just because your country is shit at soccer haha”
Oliver snaps.
“IT’S CALLED FOOTBALL!!!!!”
The entire office office laughs at him.
“No it isn’t” says Benji.
“It’s soccer”
“As in Socceroos”
“Derrr”
