WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A new study released today has confirmed that residents of every single Australian town and city with a river, are under the impression that their waterway is ‘mighty.’
The research released by the CSIRO examined 100’s of localities built around a river and found in every instance that the locals used certain terminology to describe their natural streams of water.
“It really is incredible,” said the study’s Chief Scientist Lachlan Hope.
“Despite the fact that the majority of rivers that run through Australia’s towns and cities are underwhelming, often unhealthy and generally uninspiring, the residents all seem to use this strong and emotive language to describe them,” Hope said.
The research found that although other words like ‘majestic’ were used at times, the overwhelming majority of residents referred to their river as, ‘mighty’ or ‘the mighty.’
“The mighty Brown Snake, the mighty Clarence, the mighty Manning, the mighty Namoi, and the list goes on as I’m sure you are aware.”
“I mean, we can’t quite figure out why its the case though. I guess the Brisbane River and the Murray-Darling are relatively large in Australian terms, but even they aren’t exactly mighty you know?”
“The Amazon can grow to 190 kilometres wide during the wet season. Now that’s fucking mighty. A pissy little stream through a regional town that you can’t even jump off the bridge into cause you might break your legs isn’t exactly mighty is it.”
Hope told us that the CSIRO is currently debating whether to extend the study and examine just why it is that residents of Australia’s towns and cities actually call their river mighty.
“Probably not though, our funding will be getting slashed again in a few months so we should probably concentrate on more important stuff.”
