CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
Local boy, Ryan Madden has been called a lot of things in his 26 years of awkward social gaffes and dislocated shoulders.
He’s about twenty kilos overweight and hasn’t kissed a girl with tongue in three years.
He’s never travelled overseas, except for six trips to Bali with his mates over the space of six years.
His parents literally had to retire to the coast to get him to move out of their house, after he took complete advantage of his mother’s undying maternal bond and squeezed almost a decade of rent-free accomodation out of them.
The South Betoota-based beverages rep has briefly held a lot of rude nicknames over the years. Mostly deserved. From Boofhead, to Halfwit to flat out Dumb Cunt.
But one thing he’s never been called is a daredevil. In fact, he often gets called a pussy.
Ryan loves to err on the safe side of everything.
That’s why he’s never ridden a motorbike in Indonesia. That’s why he doesn’t have a tax file number. And that’s why he refuses to place his hand on Kaleesha Hardy’s midriff while posing for a photo at a mutual friend’s wedding.
Despite knowing Kaleesha since he was a kid, and being familiar enough with her that she feels comfortable enough resting her hand on his lower back, Ryan won’t budge.
He’s chosen to hover his way through it, in the off-chance that her prominent outlaw motorcycle club member father sees one of these photos on social media, or any of her degenerate brothers, who are currently patching for the same club.
“Haha yeah, Kaleesha’s cool. We went to primary school together” Ryan tells our reporters.
“Yeah I don’t see her much nowadays”
“In fact, I don’t even really know her.”
“Like I had forgotten her name completely”
