ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Chancellor of the highly-regarded South Betoota Polytechnic College has begged the Prime Minister to let his international students return to class before he gets desperate.
Derek Hutchinson AM BEc JD (Betoota) said the entire university system in the Queensland Channel Country was geared towards exchanging largely useless tertiary qualifications for large sums of money and this ‘bloody’ coronavirus has all but brought the local industry to a standstill.
Speaking to The Advocate today while he sat in the dark, listening to obscure Delta Blues musicians while he criticised himself aloud in iambic pentameter, Professor Hutchinson admitted that he was ‘strung-out’.
“I’m an addict,” he said.
“I’m addicted to international students. I didn’t care if they couldn’t read or write in English. I’d give them a Bachelor of Arts, Science, Economics. Christ, if the money was good enough, they’d leave Australia a qualified vet! They don’t ask questions where these guys are from!”
“Jesus Christ, look at me! Alone, drunk, talking to some talking head on my laptop asking me why I’m such a failure. Can you please ask Scott Morrison to just give me a little hit of international student? Please, man. I’m begging you,”
“They’ve got me on this methadone shit, these Commonwealth-supported places. It’s not like the real shit but it keeps the sickness away. Man, fuck this virus, man. Fuck.”
Chancellor Hutchinson then slumped back in his chair and exhaled deeply.
More to come.
