WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
A suburban father of two is today considering his living arrangements, after a controversial incident last night.
Brett Russell says he considered getting a divorce last night after his in-laws decided to commit an atrocity at his new home.
The owner of a 1.2 million dollar 3 bedroom project home in a cosy Betoota Heights cul-de-sac, Brett said he was horrified last night after his wife’s old boy decided to park his Toyota Prado on his beautifully manicured front lawn.
“It’s my pride and joy,” said the visibly irate plumbing contractor who is a member of 7 or 8 different Lawn Porn related Facebook groups.
“And he (the father in law) knows that I swear to god,” said Brett in between sharp exhales.
“I’ve spent 12 months treating that front lawn like it was a delicate little bonsai”
“Like it was providing the food that would keep us alive”
“And Phil goes and just parks the big Prado right in the middle of it, only 36 hours after rain,” he said, nearly in tears.
With Brett asking for a break in the interview, we questioned his wife as to why he doesn’t just ask his in-laws not to park on the front lawn.
After uncontrollably giggling for the better part of two or three minutes, his wife Selina explained that she has no idea why he’s so protective of his lawn.
“I told him, honey just tell dad not to park on the lawn and find a park down the street,” said Selina.
“But he can’t use his words, and starts hyperventilated and mumbling shit whenever I suggest that to him,” she laughed.
“Between you and I, he’s a big tough talker but he’s an absolute drop nuts with my mum and dad.”
“He’d rather suffer through a whole night of frustration, than make a simple request to my dad.”
“And, if I’m honest, I kind of find the whole thing funny.”
“It’s just a patch of fucking grass for god’s sake,” she laughed.
Brett was unavailable to resume the interview and was later seen inspecting the ‘damage’ to his lawn, which couldn’t be seen to the untrained eye apparently.
More to come.
