KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A supermarket in Sydney’s rainbow heartland is facing a serious oversupply of Tim Tams this week as the grocery giant struggles to sell any refined carbohydrates.
With local shoppers looking gorgeous and flaunting shredded physiques for Mardi Gras, it’s alleged the Surry Hills Woolies Metro just can’t get any sugary, fatty or carb heavy goodies off its shelves.
Speaking to store manager Tara Misu (34), the store has struggled to sell any food under a two-star health rating since the New Year.
“We’ve been over indexing on chocolate protein powders for the past two months but haven’t sold a single family block of chocolate or a tray of Tim Tams since Christmas,” Tara told our reporter.
“All our fat blaster tablets have sold out, but I’ve got 15 pallets of banana bread out in the back dock that just aren’t moving. I want to ship them to another store, maybe out to a chubby suburb?”
With rainbow flags flying proudly around the store, it’s believed the healthy habits of the area are even beginning to influence some local boring heterosexuals, ones who haven’t seen one of their own abdominal muscles since they were 14.
Brendon Radley, a Surry Hills father of two and sloppy Dad bod owner, told The Advocate his weekly shop is under continuous pressure from the steely eyes of locals who are proudly sitting under 5% body fat.
“Mate I come do my shopping here and I’m almost shamed out of the store, you should see the looks I get from the shredded gays when I drag two bags of waffle fries out of the freezer or stock up on the tubs of Connoisseur Ice Cream when they’re on special,” Brendon told our reporter.
“On the upside though this Woolies has been selling choccie mud cakes for $2 as an end of day special.”
“I’ve been picking one up everyday and polishing it off on the walk home.”
