‘Team Player’ Code For ‘Will Come To Work During A Pandemic’

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

It’s BAU for corporate lingo as the dialect of the diligent continues to change and transform during a global pandemic.

One early example of this is the phrase ‘Working from home’ which now takes on a more literal meaning instead of the previously implied, long-established definition ‘I’m taking the day off away from you pricks.’

The latest, and perhaps most enlightening, example of shifting definitions of corporate jargon is the term ‘team player’ which in job ads and resumes the world over is now clearly code for ‘someone who will come to work during a pandemic.’ 

Previously, ‘Team Player’ was resume talk for ‘will do whatever the most senior person says’ and job ad talk for ‘Haha you’re going to forget what your family looks like you’ll be here so often you dumb punk!’

As unemployment continues to rise and job vacancies become fewer, ‘Team Player’ is now officially code for someone who is willing to risk public safety in order to meet KPIs and deliver shareholder satisfaction. 

One such team player is unemployed Account Manager Lisa Huang, who is willing to take a work trip to Florida if it means having an actual income.

“I’ve always been a team player but now I’m willing to sacrifice my actual life as well as my personal one,” stated Huang as she sent off her 300th resume of the morning.

“I’m also an ‘all-rounder’ which used to mean ‘I can do a bit of everything’ but now means ‘I’ll do the work of the people you made redundant for free.’”

MORE TO COME.