ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told reporters this afternoon from outside a Brisbane demolition derby and caravan expo that his government is exporing alternative energy options as a coal lobbyist’s checque bounced overnight.
As the nation’s second nightwatchman, after Kevin Rudd in 2016, ScoMo has reportedly said he’s willing to make a captain’s call on the issue next week – provided the enormous donation to his party clears before then.
“After coal, I think the next industry with deep as hell pockets is natural gas. We might need some more gas power plants to meet our baseline yada yada yada,” he laughed like somebody’s father.
“Fuck, it might even be wind? Wouldn’t old smoking Joe Hockdog love that?! Honest to my God and all the lesser ones out there, but, we should have nuclear power. W
“Plus, we’ve still got so much space to bury it! But yeah, at the moment, coal is still the future – as long as the cheques keep rolling in.”
An impressively unpopular and self-important ABC journalist then put his hand up to ask a question about a Federal ICAC, to which ScoMo had a member of his protection detail spritz him in the face with nerve agent. His
“Any more questions? As you can see, cash rules. Anybody else want to be a real journalist today? Who wants a spritzing next?” asked the nightwatchman.
Just as all hope was lost, the lonely figure of Peter Stefanovic entered the fray.
With his brand new MusicFeeds Press Pass dangling from his neck, the flat-hatted Queenslander raised his hand to stump the nightwatchman.
However, he was quickly spritzed and another tarp was brought out.
More come.
