ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A barefoot and sunkissed Queenslander has strolled through his local Woolworths this afternoon as he yelled at someone on the other end of the phone.
It wasn’t an angry yell. To the man, he probably didn’t think he was yelling.
He’s just from Airlie Beach.
This masthead tried to get his attention as he first placed a loaf of Wonder White in his shopping basket. It seemed he was too in the zone talking to whoever he was.
“Nah, we’re all good up here, mate,” he said.
“The fucken virus hates the heat, boss. You’d be fucked down in Mall-born, cold cunt of a place it is,”
“Nah, I haven’t seen what’s going on in India? Few games of cricket or what? [explosive laughter]”
As he dropped the C-bomb in the deli section, well within earshot of other people, he picked up a roast chook and dumped it into the basket without looking.
The chicken burst out through the top of the heat-proof bag and was now pinballing around the basket nude and dripping on the floor.
He didn’t notice.
“Where you now, mate? Brisbane? Aw fuck that place, cunt of a town Brisbane is. When you coming up this way? We’ll go fucken fishing and crush some tins.”
He noticed the chicken had divorced its plastic bag.
“Aw fuck! Hold on mate, my fucken chicken’s slip out of the bag and it’s gone fucken everywhere!”
Our reporter and the man made eye contact briefly as he dropped the basket down on the floor to single-handedly put the chicken back in the bag.
“What are you looking at? You goofy-headed cunt?”
Our reporter said nothing.
More to come.
