ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Local tradhusband Martyn Hessman has mustered the courage to ask his wife, Sarah, if he can go to the pub this weekend.
Martyn, a kept man, spends his days cleaning the house, preparing gourmet meals, and tending to the children’s every need. But this weekend, he’s dared to dream of a night out with the lads at The Fox and Hound.
“I’ve had my eye on a cold pint for weeks,” Martyn said, taking his apron off.
“But, of course, I have to ask Sarah. She might have something planned and I’ll have to stay home with the kids. She might be going out with her girls after work?”
Martyn’s bold request was met with a mix of amusement and surprise. Sarah, an insurance and intellectual property law silk, was reportedly taken aback by her husband’s unusual plea.
“At first, I thought he was joking,” Sarah said with a laugh.
“Marty usually knows that I’ll say no so he doesn’t even ask. But he made a solid case – he even presented a detailed weekend schedule for the kids and a meal plan for the next three days. How could I say no?”
Martyn’s boys are both supportive and skeptical.
“We haven’t seen Martyn out in ages,” said his mate Dave.
“He’s always busy with the kids’ activities or baking some fancy cake. He’s always doing some shit like that. But maybe this pub night will bring back a bit of the old Martyn – at least for a few hours. We’re all pretty excited to see him.”
Sarah handed Martyn a small roll of crisp $100 notes shortly before our reporter left.
“You’ve been a good Dad. Here’s something for the beers, betting on the horses, the trots, and the greyhounds,” she said.
“And if you’re feeling lucky, chip in for a bag with the boys. Just don’t forget the cigarettes or a vape. I know how much you like smoking when you’re power drinking. But make sure you’re back by 8am and I’ll be annoyed with you if you don’t get into bed with me soaking wet and fully clothed with your boots on. I want you to be a living corpse for at least a week after.”
More to come.
