CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
The fun uncle has today let slip a story about the time he committed a crime that could have landed himself a decade in prison.
Although, judging by his demeanour, you wouldn’t really think it was that big of a deal.
When joined by a couple of mates from his younger years, the old boy is being encouraged to share some yarns about their wild younger years. For anyone who was not around during these wild younger years, this sounds like the definition of depravity.
Aside from the casual inclusion of extremely powerful firearms in these stories, it also sounds like the drink driving was prolific in the mid 1990s.
While showing off to his mates and younger family members, the fun uncle gives a subtle nod as if to say, ‘don’t tell your mother that I told you about this’ – he then proceeds to tell a story that features extreme alcohol-fuelled violence, drug use, public nuisance, serious road violations, public nudity, public sex, and severe public vandalism.
It is alleged that all of this happened in one night, or at least over one weekend. However, the old mates are still waiting on the punchline of this story. It appears that the protagonist, who is nowadays a seemingly well-adjusted small business owner, has not yet gotten to the wildest part of the yarn.
“I mean, jeez, we were playing silly buggers. It was a different time” he says, while his mates keep nodding at him to finish the story.
“Anyway, so this cop car is just sitting there.” he says.
“Completely unlocked and unattended. Now this was in the era before dashcams and CCTV, so as long as we didn’t leave our fingerprints, we could pretty much do whatever we want”
The next few sentences are somewhat masked by a raspy smokers laugh, as the old fellas face turns red and he wipes away tears.
“So anyway. She’s up in flames. Completely torched. We pulled off the fuel cap and threw in a match. Christ we ran like Cathy Freeman that night”
The story concludes, with everyone who was born after 1990 left stunned, as the old fellas continue to chuckle on and off for several minutes after.
“Simpler times” he says.
