TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
It’s the dark secret of every Gucci-bumbag hipster on campus at Betoota’s Western Queensland University, one that they try desperately to cover.
But no matter how greasy they let their hair get, how much they scuff the RMs or how many analogue cigarettes they roll a day, they can never escape the fact that they the vague stories they tell about high school actually all took place in Betoota Grove.
According to reports, local hipster Richard Williamson-Alexanderson is today having to explain to his new diverse friendship circle that he did in fact go to Whooton Boys School – and that his parents made frequent donations to said school – after he let slip something that his grubby hipster mate picked up on immediately.
“What do you mean you had a sit-down lunch every day at school?” asked his cool new bisexual friend Dashiell, who he maintains an on again-off-again open relationship with.
Caught off guard and scrambling, Richard was not quick witted enough to think of a new lie to cover his tracks.
“Uhh, I, ahh, well, at Whoots we were given a hot lunch”
The cat is out of the bag.
“You went to Whoots? Bro, I can’t believe you!” says a disgusted Dashiell
“What other bombs are you going to drop? That you played rugby union?”
Richard fell silent, not wanting to admit he was the half-back and captain of the First XV, and would lead the war cries in the rowing regattas at Lake Betoota.
His other friend, Echo, took this as confirmation. “Jesus, and your rent, who pays that?”
An ashamed Richard revealed that it was his mother who paid his rent
“But it’s coming out of my inheritance, so I am basically paying for it!” he pleaded, only digging deeper.
But this was too much for the real hipsters, who couldn’t bear to hear the privilege poisoning their half-hearted marxist ears for a second longer.
With a dramatic drag from his self-rolled cigarette, Echo and Dashy spun of their second-hand Blundstones and left Richard to wallow in his rich pity.
At time of press, Richard was once again flirting with the Young Liberals.
MORE TO COME.
