TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact
There’s been a lot of speculation flying around recently about whether VB stubbies have become harder to open, or its consumers have just become softer.
Following an interview earlier today, The Advocate can confirm that Carlton UTD breweries have in fact deliberately tightened the bottle caps on VB in particular in a bid to preserve the beer’s brand.
“Recent research has shown us that hipsters have begun drinking VB ironically, which is a bad look for Australia’s tough man beer”
“Ironically or not, there’s still green demons in the hands of inner-city lefties”
“Do you think Bruce the Carpenter is going to quench his hard-earned thirst if it makes him look like a hipster? He’s not.”
“Our marketing department’s solution was brilliant though, we just tightened the caps by 40%”
“The hipsters’ hands are too weak and have no callouses to use as grip, we’ve already seen a decline in inner city trendites drinking it!” finished the breweries representative.
The advocate understands that Carlton UTD breweries have nearly restored equilibrium in the beer drinking community, with tradies drifting back towards VB and hipsters opting for a non-twist opening to avoid any potential test of strength.
More to come.
