FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
As thousands of kids walk away from the Return and Earn station hundreds of dollars richer and the cleanup crew finally pressure-clean the last of the vomit off the footpath outside the Oxford, organisers of the Great Race have admitted that attendance figures were well down on previous years.
“Yeah, bit of a disaster actually” said committee member Ruth Hafey, 74.
“Only a couple of people turned up. “
“We were so desperate we had to get the DJR cars to drive really slowly around town so we could carjack the people lining up behind them and drive them to the track”.
The disappointing turnout is being blamed on the crash of a truck carrying VB, Australia’s finest reasonably-priced beverage, on the outskirts of Taree on October 8, which covered the Pacific Motorway in beer and alcoholics.
“I’ve heard that race fans stayed away because they were scared of some sort of VB crisis” said Bathurst pop-up bar owner Phil Hurst as he supervised the painting of his 52m yacht.
“But nobody was forced to watch the race sober, we had plenty of VB in stock”.
Ruth said she was relieved the poor attendance could be so easily explained
“Yes, I must say it’s a real relief to learn it was all caused by a beer truck crash, and not the $118 cost of a Sunday Track Pass, the ongoing ban on non-campers bringing in alcohol, the effective death of the Holden/Ford rivalry, the conversion of the larrikin bogan atmosphere into a family-friendly event”
“Or the fact that the cars are almost exactly the same with essentially nothing in common with the models on which they are based. Yes, it was definitely the beer truck crash”.
