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In a revolutionary new plan announced by Assistant Minister for Road Safety and Freight Transport Scott Buchholz, Takata airbags which have been recently removed from tens of thousands of Australian cars will be refitted to the vehicles of drivers with multiple dangerous driving convictions.

“It’s all about raising the stakes for dangerous drivers”, said Buchholz from behind the wheel of a beautifully restored early 1960’s Brownbuilt desk.

“What we have discovered is that simply impounding cars doesn’t work because they can just purchase another car. We need to bring them face to face with the consequences of their reckless actions by fitting a device right in front of their face that stands a good chance of firing shrapnel into their skull if they hit anything.”

The program, which will be implemented from March 2020, will come at minimal cost to the government, which already has a secure warehouse filled with the recalled airbags.

Buchholz said he was extremely confident that the program would reduce reckless driving.

“We fully expect that dangerous drivers will be a lot more cautious when we turn their car into a deathtrap” he said, carefully rubbing some carnauba wax into the desk’s maple veneer.

“Plus, for repeat offenders, we could also install an extra airbag under the driver’s seat or directly over their head”.

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