CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Victoria’s state opposition leader has today clarified that he is not Merrick Watts, and has vowed to dye his hair blonde within 100 days of a Liberal government being elected, to avoid confusion.
“I just want to make it clear, for everyone out there that are thinking of voting for me because you remember me from Triple J, or Triple M, or some skit shows on TV…”
“Well, as much as I enjoy the rare occurrence of people approaching me in the street with kind words… I think I should clarify that I am actually not Merrick Watts.”
Matthew Guy’s assertiveness come as a refreshing change for the Liberal party leader, who up until 24 hours ago appeared to be strongly opposed to violent gangs in the streets of Melbourne. That was until of course he was photographed having lunch with the Mafia.
“Ummm… I meant the black ones” said Guy, who felt it was pertinent to clarify that the gangsters he was having lunch with wear fedoras, not sportswear.
After clarifying that he wasn’t a radio announcer, and that he was friends with the Italian mob not the mobs of Africans, Matthew Guy then went on to announce the only other policy that he has made headlines for.
“Anyway… Injection rooms are gross and junkies should not be entitled to any forms of support networks in urban areas where rich people have decided to live”
