LOUIS BOURKE | Editor | Contact
Victorian Labor’s branch stacking saga continues to embarrass Premier Daniel Andrews as it has been confirmed that most local party members are not actual people but NRL crowd style cutouts.
Branch stacking is the practice of recruiting members to the branch of a political party with the principal purpose of influencing internal preselection of candidates for public office.
Although not illegal, tactics such as signing up members without their consent, falsifying membership details and signing up dead people can be prosecuted as fraud with guilty parties usually made to resign and sentenced to life on six figures on a cushy board somewhere.
Three Victorian Labor MPs have been sacked or stood down after audio recordings revealed cabinet member Adem Somyurek was directly involved in branch stacking activities on Murdoch variety show 60 Minutes.
Perhaps the most disturbing detail is that Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews did not seem to notice that most of his new party members were lifeless cardboard cutouts of real people and a few serial killers that someone submitted for a bit of a joke.
“To learn that we have taken direction from Northern football is very disappointing” stated Andrews as he eyed the press room to confirm that those within were three dimensional.
“I can confirm that all cutouts who were made members of their local ALP branch have now been recycled.”
Critics have called the plan to boost membership numbers with cardboard cutouts shortsighted – as people with no brain, no heart and no free will are usually not aligned with any political party except for maybe One Nation.
MORE TO COME.
