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Melbourne’s brutal 16th lockdown has come to an end, with retail and hospitality businesses now able to reopen and families reuniting after months of curfews and bans on travelling more than 5km away from home.
Restaurants, cafes, pubs and retail stores were allowed to return to normal trading hours from 11.59 pm on last night, with some taking bookings at midnight.
However the return to a night economy comes with the same usual pettiness of inner-city residents who decided against retiring on the river in Swan Hill like society had planned for them to.
The Victorian Police switchboard has once again been lit up with thousands of noise complaints from terrace house Boomers who like the idea of living near world class hospitals and cafes, but without all the cheerful noise that comes with an international city.
After months of struggling through social issues that have been magnified by the pressures of the pandemic – the police say it’s now disheartening to have to walk through pubs and ask them to keep the music and laughter at a noise level that won’t interrupt Bryan and Wendy’s BBC murder mysteries next door.
With police also now in charge of managing social distancing measures in hospitality venues, the boomer-snitching is begin to clog very important resources.
It’s for this reason that Premier Dan Andrews and Chief Commissioner of VicPolice Shane Patton have told the cops to flat out ignore any noise complaints for the rest of the year.
“We are trying to get the economy chugging along again” said Andrews in a press conference this morning.
“I’m trying to manage contact tracing and quarantine procedures”
“The cops are trying to manage the pub marshalls… and now we’ve got these entitled old codgers complaining about noise”
“We’ve just come out of four months lock down!!!”
“Surely you’ve had enough peace and quiet”
Andrews then went on to explain that he’s instructed the Victoria Police to flat out hung up on anyone who has the hide to shut down a local business because they don’t like the sound of a full functional economy.
“Really makes you think how many years we spent bowing to these people” he says.
“Now we’ve got a trillion dollar hole in the budget because these same whingers couldn’t handle a slight upper respiratory infection, and also refuse to give up their franking credits”
“I think we know what the real virus is”
“Now shut the fuck up and get on the beers with the rest of us”
MORE TO COME.
