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A traditional kava-drinking ceremony has reportedly left an inebriated King stumbling through the streets of Apia, Samoa, harassing locals and reminding them of their poor Rugby League skills.
King Charles is currently visiting the Pacific nation, where he will preside over a gathering of Commonwealth presidents and prime ministers for the first time.
It’s alleged the King hit the town shortly after his arrival, awkwardly concealing a flask.
This brazen act was likely caused by the jitters any British aristocrat feels when visiting a Polynesian island—a place many British high-ups have never returned from.
“I was a little nervous before touching down, so I thought it would be smarter to loosen up,” said the King.
Things worsened when the King, having just met a group of local Samoan boys, decided to join them at kick-ons—where he got a tribal sleeve.
“Yeah, I probably went a little overboard with the sacred tribal sleeve,” said a hungover King.
While he assumed the formalities of the visit would slow him down, it only marked the beginning.
Wearing a white safari-style suit, the 75-year-old King sat at the head of a carved timber longhouse, where he was presented with a polished half-coconut filled with mildly narcotic kava.
“To be fair, I had no idea the stuff got you high,” the King explained.
The intoxicating root drink is a key part of Pacific culture, known locally as “kava.”
Australia’s former deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack was hospitalized after drinking too much of a local brew at a similar ceremony in Micronesia in 2022.
Moments after the ceremony, the King, still recovering from the tribal sleeve, hit the town again to see England play the local boys in Rugby League.
In true English fashion, the King loudly proclaimed that England is the greatest Rugby League nation in the world—even doing the wanking symbol with his hands in the air that poms love doing.
As King Charles navigates the cultural nuances of Samoa, his antics remind us of the challenges faced by any English lad on holiday. Whether he’ll recover from the hangxiety remains to be seen.
