The Russian national football team are celebrating a historic and monumental occasion today, after officially being told by the Russian government that they are allowed to keep their kneecaps for another 3 days.
The good news comes on the back of Russia’s record-breaking World Cup win over favourites Spain, which is being described by many as one of the best games they’ve seen in the last day and a half.
“Honestly, I couldn’t believe it when they first told me”, said Russian manager Stanislav Cherchesov in his post match conference. “I thought it was another one of those classic Putin zingers”
“But it’s true! Our boys get to keep their knees intact for another few days! That’s huge for a football team – I’ve always said having knees is a really important part of playing foorball”
The emotions were evident on the faces of the Russians at full time, after word reportedly trickled down that they get to enjoy full use of their legs for at least another 3 days, before their next World Cup match.
“No one predicted this at the beginning of the tournament” said an emotional Artem Dzyuba, the Russian goalscorer who helped eliminate the Spanish giants.
“Everyone thought that by now we’d all have met unfortunate knee-based accidents or something”
“The fact that we’re still standing today is a testament to Russia’s famous ‘scared of being permanently maimed for embarrassing the country’ spirit”
Meanwhile, despite their early exit from the World Cup, the Spanish team also left in good spirits, after reports emerged that Putin had officially released their families and they could see them again.
