LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
HR Manager Cynthia Nelson, has dealt with various trials and tribulations in her thirty two years. Yet, it was not her recent end to a five year marriage that turned her to therapy, but her sudden and lingering attraction to British actor Benedict Cumberbatch.
“I don’t get it,” she confessed “He looks like his own wax model at Madame Tussauds. A wax model I’d fuck the living daylights out of.”
“I’ve seen this before.” Cynthia’s therapist Dr Nick Dimitrov has noticed this trend in his female patients ever since Cumberbatch rose to fame in the earlier this decade.
“It’s an uncontrollable attraction, untraceable from any connection to physical features, leaving the subject in a state of frenzied confusion.”
In the online community, women like Cynthia are jokingly referred to as ‘Cumberbitches.’ However, for Cynthia and her family this is no laughing matter.
“It’s taking over my life. I’ve watched each season of Sherlock ten times. Do you know the first season only has three episodes? Because I fucking do!”
Unfortunately for Cynthia, Dr Dimitrov, does not believe that she is a Cumberbitch, but instead just has a unique taste in men to begin with.
“Not sure there’s more I can do. When I asked her who her woman-crush is she responded with ‘Tilda Swinton.’”
