WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The revolution has finally arrived in the United Kingdom.
After decades of being killed by a thousand economically rationalist cuts, the people of Britain have risen up to overthrow the ruling class.
This comes after a dramatic election result saw a centrist barrister from a Grammar school elected to the top job.
Billionaires have been seen fleeing from their estates and London mansions this evening, with Labour leader Keir Starmer looking set to sweep to a resounding victory.
Exit polls from voting booths suggest Starmer’s Labour party are predicted to win a whopping 410 seats, securing them a huge majority and handing the Tory Party their worst defeat in a hundred years.
The Tories are expected to only win a 130ish of the 650 seats in British Parliament, which is not a lot for a major party that has won the last 5 elections.
The election of Starmer, who stands for reducing waiting times for hospitals and “no tax surprises” for National Insurance, VAT, income and corporation tax has no been heralded as the dawn of a new age.
With a vague promise to build 1.5 million homes by making developers give locals ‘first dibs’ the toffs who run the classist Utopia of the Britain have been faced with the day they’ve been fretting for so long.
“These Tories, they are going to be eating cake,” laughed one resident of the Kingdom where 1 in 5 people live below the poverty line and 14.4 million people don’t know where they next meal may be coming from.
Running off the back of a “I’m not the heir to a rich brown tech billionaire,” Starmer has yet to confirmed which of his ground breaking policies he is going to implement first.
“I hope he focuses on keeping corporations tax the same first!”
“Get the AKs out baby, probably because we’ll be off to war with some country like we were last time we had a smug centrist in power.”
“But seriously, maybe he will repeal the Rwanda plan, but as we’ve seen with these centrist major parties, locking up and torturing Brown people provides a nice distraction for the lack on inaction on any of the issues that actually effect ordinary people.”
More to come.
